Something Different - Kaelen the Kelpie and Dog Training

I've had enough of my overwhelmingly diffifult issues for the time being, (particularly food, and life, and my stomach, and throwing up) so I am going to blog about something worthwhile, because I cannot handle any more of this nonsense, and I need a break. It's not even like I have been blogging about it, but the last few days have been pretty hairy. So now to Dog training!

Skip ahead, if you like, but maybe, just maybe... some of you doggy owners may find this interesting.

So, as some of you know, before I got sick I had planned, in advance, one of the most exciting things for me as a dog owner! That is, the purchase and training of my first 'official' working dog. I have always dreamed of owning and having trained a working dog (not another pet) of some kind - in this case I have chosen the field of livestock work simply because the need is  here at our property for a dog that works stock. What I am really excited about are the fundamentals that go into the training of this dog. I have plotted and planned for months, (years now, really) my course of action regarding methods and desired outcome - so I am already set up for success!

Now comes the exciting part, that time my plan takes action. I have, since planning, picked and purchased this future dog of my choice (with a great deal of care and thought) and am well on the way to beginning to acheive some of the goals in mind for the end resulting dog. Over the next few months, I will be making progress reports for my own record, as well as information/tips on my training methods, theories and observations. This may be tedious to some, however I am sure helpful to perhaps some google browsers.

What to look for on here in future posts on dog training:


.Information regarding the purchase and selection of the working dog
.Information on puppy rearing techniques, the theories and observations I make and discover as I begin and continue the various stages of training
.Progress reports, observational reports, theories and experiences of my own working Kelpie as he progresses through the stages
.Training sessions and lessions, tips and advice
.Other information, experience, theories, observations and ideas as they happen and as I come across them
.Information for those interested in training dogs in the same manner/field.
.Hopefully training videos, it depends on the compatability of my phone..
. Photography of my boy with my real camera, not just phone snaps!

Now it is time for me to introduce my working dog. I will begin at his current age/development stage, but will backtrack to include early puppyhood stages as a part of the development process and progress reports.

Introducing.... My Boy,

"Kaelen!"

"Kaelen" (the origin of the name is Gaelic) means: "Strong, faithful, loyal warrior"

Breed: Australian Kelpie

Pedigree: View sire: "Karmala Neon" - (http://www.eventine.com.au/Kelpiedogs.html)
This pup was well chosen (much thought went into picking for known lineage) and has lines on his father's side that are reknown casters and brilliant eye dogs. The looks on dad's side are absolutely gorgeous, incredible agile workers and I especially love the tanpoint expressions. Not that markings or looks are everything, but they certainly help. The working bitches on this side of the family carry a lovely, consistant form I already see expressed in Kaele. I have also researched the pedigreed colours on this side of his pedigree and happily discovered many 'rare' chocolate and blue colour carrying dogs.
As for the dad's working ability, I have seen videos of Neon and heard excellent reports as to his speed, agility,grace, and incredible, wide and fast casting technique. I am excited to see if his son carries this naturally flowing herding method.
On his dam's side, I only know of the dam herself. She is very beautiful, slender and elegant in form - and although small, carries herself well. From what I have also learnt she has a veautiful temperament and is a good natured worker. The sire is what gets me, though.

Gender: male, intact.

Age: D.O.B: 01/11/12. (That makes him 5 months old now.)

Colour: Blue & Tan (unless it fades.) Was born a dilute shade of born blue & tan, although there is the possibility he  may actually be a dilute chocolate blue, (also called 'blue fawn' - this would mean he may end up a sandy colour) as he has some slight chocolate colouration formation/sabling.

Description:  Blue with Tan Points, a small amount of white spotting under chest and chin, chocolate mouth insides and faint mask on throat, diluted blue - no black pigment on body, eyes diluted green/yellow.
Coat medium length, nice tail brush, large, well set ears, good narkings. Lengthy body for age, slender but likely to solidify as ages - big paws, these were large at 12 weeks, as was his size.

Temperament: willing, eager, partially gentle, never agressive, but looking like he will become a dominant type nature. Responds well to control and obediance. Surprisingly not a one person nature at all, responds well to male and female handlers and different people.

So, that is a quick little summary on my boy - although I have a huge list of plans that I intend to write - as well as his first training sessions! (first officially beginning yesterday, he has begun leash training. This is pretty exciting news, really. Training has been occurring from day one however - especially during the socialisation/desensitisation transitionary age - so unofficially he already knows many basics.)
 

Learning to Surrender.

What are the true implications, I wonder? What does it mean to give in to one thing and not the other? And why is that important?
I will look at the obvious here. This is the struggle between life and death. Lets look at death.
Death is an end, yes, but I am learning that it likes to stay just out of reach - taunting, tantalising, threatening, and dark. We should steer clear of death, obviously. Yet reality of what life is sometimes makes us look closer - too close - to the end. Lets face it, we have all had times where we wanted to die, to end it, for nothingness. Often it is not death itself that drives us, but pain. Of wanting to escape so badly that the temptation of slipping into nothing becomes tangible. Well, that is a lie. Death is not an end. Death cannot stop or nullify the problem. Death is continuous, never ending hell, torment, despair and destruction. So why do we desire it?
Because it appears easier than choosing life.

Life is hard. Living requires effort, willingness, wanting to be alive, desiring purpose, future and hope. The reality of life is that it is a struggle - just like breathing requires effort, and retaining a heartbeat requires force and resistance. Life is hard. Death appears the easy way out. Despite this false appearance, death is a lie - it will never satisfy or complete. It will always be an empty hell.

Choosing life. This is my current greatest battle. So real, so terrifyingly close and constant. I am not talking the realm of suicidal thoughts - this is an entirely separate issue here - but rather the war between life and death which rages every day in us all, in some way or another. It is real, and it is something I have been made aware of. Get this. There is life. There is death. You choose. There is so much more at stake here than living happily ever after in heaven. This is now. 

This battle is not yours to fight.
I am learning, God. Yet as much as I struggle, the turmoil increases and uncertainty looms - alongside fear. Fear goes hand-in-hand with death. Oh, fear. Fear binds, holds in chains, keeps captive. Fear brings death. Fear is crippling. So why does it control us so easily? Because we allow it to overwhelm and rule; instead of resisting we give into the temptation of allowing fear to control us.

Now lets go back to life. Oh, the promise of life has surely got to be more than a whim of joy eventually, or some fantasy that seems unreal. Well, it is, but finding the true meaning of life is a little harder than you might think. Stuck in a dark pit, one can hardly see or look forward to the hope and promise of life without difficulty. There is always that option of slipping into death, but as we know that promise is empty as the grave. So we are left with another option - I believe a choice that is harder by far.

Life. What does it mean to choose life? It means effort and resistance. It means fighting. It means surrender, escape and freedom all at once.
I would like to say this part us easy, but that is so untrue. Often it is harder to choose something that requires effort when all we want to do is give up or give in - but that is exactly the place we need to be in.

Now we are at a crossroads. We are harshly faced with two options - to give in to death and be made its eternal hostage, or to give in to life and surrender completely to what it involves. Both options offer a means of escape, to some degree. But the choice is what defines.
And why.

You are still alive.

Therefore the choice is yours.

At this point, the battle is being waged not only in you, but around you. God owns this battle. Choose to surrender to life. Give up fighting, stop desiring an end. Weak and feeble you may be, yes, but.
Give in to God, let him carry you. Find the life God promises and you WILL LIVE IN IT.

Tell me, when you feel physically tired, does it not feel like complete bliss when you lay down and surrender to the healing restoration of sleep? Our surrender to life and to God must be made complete in this way.

Therefore choose life. God promises to sustain, love, protect, give hope, rescue, save, and fulfil us - if only we will allow him to.

God help me choose life, to desire it. Keep death far from my soul - for I believe, or at least my faint heart is trying to believe that when I give in to total surrender you will spare me and give me purpose as your word promises. 


"This day I call heaven and earth as witnessess against you  -

That I have set before you life and death, blessings and cursings.

Now choose life."


 ~ Deuteronomy 30:19

Complete and total surrender. Give in to life, to the knowledge of not only eternal hope but purpose, and the unconditional protection of the Love of God. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Surrender not to death, but to life. Do not live in fear.

Gastroparesis - being sick

Now, I feel it is time for a medical explanation for my poor, curious friends. Not too detailed, I promise!
As some know, I have been quite unwell with hospital trips lately (3 in 3 weeks, in fact, a total of 16 out of 21 days spent hospitalised) and as I am aware the prayer support network has been incredible. I have so many people here to thank and appreciate for their support. Now, where was I. Oh yes. So, I have been unwell on and off for a good long while now, not yhat I can really put it down to anything, but a busy stressful 12 months has, I daresay contributed. Life got busy, and eventually some form of weakness shows under stress, haha. My stomach began to disagree with being a stomach and for months it would fight. Tolerable, for a time, but eventually the symptoms got so bad it began to have an everse effect on my body. Thats when I ended up in hospital, very much the definition of 'very sick'.
In simple terms, my body slowly got sicker and sicker as it struggled to provide the nutrients needed to survive. The reason it struggled so is due to the consistent, worsening stomach reactions, which included vomiting. This, unfortunately, eventually lead to malnutrition (I will never wish away spare bits of fat again!) which, obviously affects the body's ability to function.  Add to that dangerously low potassium levels (which I learn are essential to heart function, and can cause heart attacks if not within the normal range) and this presented itself as a rather hairy, scary situation. This is why I ended up on a centraline drip (one implanted below the collar bone directly into the vein travelling towards the heart) with massive amounts of potassium and fluid being pumped in, to account for the electrolytes that were so badly missing. Add to this days in intensive care monitoring (the potassium infused at high levels also causes cardiac issues) and what a fun, exhausting mess!
That in itself was pretty hard. I physically felt nearly dead, and certainly not with it enough to do too much thinking, but getting my head around it all was a real struggle. One small battle of many.

Now the hardest part - what is the problem? So many tests during that first week. Blood tests, daily, which only accentuated my phobia of needles because I have learnt what horrible little veins I posses - and any attempt to collect blood or canulate ended up in 5 stabs to one success - as well as one3 hour midnight session in emergency with an ultrasound machine, trying to find the little suckers.
More tests. Doctors constantly re asking the same questions, trying to find some clue as to what wasgoing on. Ultrasounds, ct scans, x rays - I even had a gastroscopy, which was a little scary (a camera down the throat while sedated) and stomach biopsies. These poking, prodding drs were talking an obstruction, pancreatitis, no, a systemic disease, bacterial, no... Endless list. Obviously something was going on!
Now the hardest part of my week. The doubt. Being sick, and knowing it yourself, but seeming to have no obvious reason, no result, no fix it answer. Puzzled drs, so many people asking if one is simply anorexic  and self inflicted (which was an incomprehensive thought for me) all eventually leads to questionings and doubt, and there the enemy has his field day. Imagine not being believed, and even questioning yourself? Those few days in hospital were pretty tough - and raw.  I may elaborate on them in future, but to be honest they are still a little too scary. This seems to be when God started shaking my world upside down. Or maybe that was only when I began to take notice.

So  back to the medical. The diagnosis. This was harder than the mystery of illness.
After all of these tests, we finally did one last one which I would have happily missed - so keen was I to be home and out of the boredom and madness of being stuck in a hospital bed for so long. Oh, the mind has time to wander when it is bored.
This test was done - one known as a gastric emptying study test - one that is designed to follow the progress of food through the stomach/digestive system and monitors the time it takes to do so. These test results proved to be abnormal (which didn't surprise me, given the way my stomach had been acting lately, seeming to retain food for very long periods of time) and there we had it. Well, sort of.
Finally, I got my diagnosis.

Gastroparesis.
 
Yep, it is an odd word. I have, by default, in the last 2 weeks of getting used to it myself, learnt to explain it as this: basically, 'paralysis of the stomach muscle'. In english, my stomach does not want to be a stomach. Sounds exciting. And annoying. And like my stomach. 
So, simply put, food does not pass through to the intestines (in what is considered a normal period of time - so a few hours) because it cannot be expelled by the normal pushing of the stomach muscles. Its quite simple - normal stomachs eat/break down food, move it along and then digestion occurs in the small/large intestines. My trouble is that food is not even being moved far enough along to be digested. It is also vomited back up, in my case, making it even harder for normal digestive function. Now, those stomach muscles of mine. They just don't work.
This obviously causes a huge problem (haha) and the symptoms basically include vomiting, constant nausea, bloating, severe cramping, reflux, malnutrition/weight loss, no intake of food so reduced physical activity, etc. Now I am not sure what my stomach thinks it is, but it certainly is not being normal.

The cause for the sleepy stomach. - Is nerve damage. Medically speaking, this is not repairable as nerves are a long standing thing and once damaged, as we know in the cases of nerve loss (like quadroplegics) the full use of these nerves often does not return.
The cause for this nerve damage, in mine and many other cases of gastroparesis (I am discovering) has been labelled "idiopathic". (See my page on Gastroparesis for more information) This is basically a mishmashed term to label the cause or reason as a 'medical mystery' by doctors who cannot find an immediate/obvious problem or cause. In some people the condition is caused by diabetes (which I do not have), or by some serious systemic disease like Lupus. The good news is mine is so far apparently not caused by an immune disease. There are a few theories on how this idiopasy is brought on, but I am not sure of my own yet.

Just a quick reflection - while Itry to compose my wandering thoughts and bring some kind of sense to what I am saying.  So far, as it stands, I do not understand why what happens happens, (who ever has?) but I believe with with every fibre of my being that everything happens for a reason, and that God will be glorified through this. Unfortunately for me this doesnt make the suffering any easier...

So, what does gastroparesis mean to me/my life and why am I making such a big deal about it?
Because, my life just changed. It fell apart. Everything I have known about everything has been altered. What I think or believe about many things is being turned upside down and messed up. This is really just a minor issue but I will address physically, first. There will be a time for the addressing of the huge spiritual and emotional upheaval I have been going through.

As I mentioned, Gastroparesis is nerve damage, unrepairable. Medically, this is a confition that can only be managed, not treated, by diet and lifestyle chioces. Staring me in the face is a rather overwhelming world of facts and future of this condition. This is hard, on a physical level, to come to terms with the thought that regardless of what happens from here on, my life will not be the same again. Just physically speaking, food and eating (or rather not, and not being able to) is pretty much the main issue. My life is really quite daunting to think that I may not be able to eat some things again, nor in a manner that I was used to or took for granted. This goes so much further than just maintaining your body with nutrients - and I am discovering what a huge influence food has over one's life - and just what it means when it is ripped away. It is very easy to become complacent about something that we don't really have to think about - we all eat and live. But man, I am getting a new perspective on this too and it certainly is not easy! This will be one of the things I hope to elaborate on as I slowly overcome this fight with food.

Food is obviously a problem. Well, not just food, but eating, keeping it down, and actually digesting it - or at least getting it to the intestines! My dear gastroenterologist, professional as he is, simply discharged me with a medical diagnosis and no real day to day living/eating plans - I was given instructions to go home and eat - despite the unaltered vomiting and food intolerance issues., which still were not resolved after I left hospital the first time. This, uh, 'plan' didn't really didnt work, and I have had to, through some internet reasearch, discover myself a bit more about this condition and its management. There is a great deal more to it than one might think, and some cases are so severe that those with the conditions can have periods of many hospital trips and severe enough problems to require surgical implantation of stomach/bypass feeding tubes for weeks at a time. I pray it never gets that serious.
 So, back to the eating. It is currently very limited! This is partially due to the fact that this stomach has been upset for so long and is also irritated in form of a bacterial/food intolerance problem, to add to the condition.

What I can't eat:
Anything high in fibre, as it takes too long to digest and forms stomach masses. This means most raw foods, beans, lentils, meats, fruit, veges... Nuts, dates, etc, grains, an
Anything high in fat. This is because this also tajes a long time to digest.
My own current intolerances to wheat, straight dairy, anything with acid like tomato, cheese, pasta, bread, etc. this is because of the vomiting snd it is far better to aviod these foods than tolerate the very bad reflux/vomiting or painful cramps that ladt for days.
Now, take yourself shopping and think, without all these.... What can I eat??? It is pretty mininal. So, needless to say, this has been a huge struggle because, for me, it affects everything right now.
All that looks pretty depressing and I wil admit, the hardest thing has been wondering if I will ever be able to eat normally again, whatever that be. So let's not dwell on the negatives too much. I will be writing up my own thoughts on food soon as this is going to be an ongoing issue for me - whether I want it to be or not. Now see why my world is screwed up? And that is only the physical.

Interlude of Bible Verses

I am reminded of God's promises. Among many other revelations I received between the early hours of 12-6am this morning, are these little principles. Prepare for a very deep addition to my blog (perhaps later this evening) which was inspired by my early morning session - but for now, read through these verses God revealed to me this morning.

A whisper, 'You have to choose to believe. Meditate on my words.'

~   "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.
      Before you were born, I set you apart;
      I appointed you as prophet to the nations."   ~ Jeremiah 1:5.

I have to choose to believe. To take it on. Why would God lie? Yet he does not.

~   "God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he not   speak and act? Does he not promise and fulfil?"  ~ Numbers 23:19.

This is truth. The word of God is truth and life.

~   "For the word of the lord is right and true, he is faithful in all he does."  ~ Psalm 33:4.

If the bible says it, it must be true. How easy it would be to question, doubt, reason or try to evaluate that statement. Yet the simplest/hardest task here is believing in clear faith that if the Bible says it is so, it must be so. I must believe in the promises of God.

~  "Abram believed in the lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness."  ~ Genesis 15:6

~   "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior, and my hope is in you all day long."  ~  Psalm 25:5

~  "More than conquerors - what, then, shall we say in response to these things?

If God is for us, who can be againts us?"  ~ Romans 8:31

~  "Though I walk in the midst if trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me" ~ Psalm 138:7

 ~  "Show me the wonders of your great love, you who save by your right hand the ones who take refuge in you from their foes." ~  Psalm 17:7

Believe. And know. He. is. God.

The Here and Now - Reality.

I am not really one for writing up huge long lists of personal information and have long ago given up writing pointless waffle, because that is all it is... But! I do feel as though I may be making a few exceptions to my own rules, so to speak. Now is the time to take the leap past wondering what some might think and begin writing anyway. Because I need to.

I do feel as though I need some sort of beginning point of reference though. As some of my friends may or may not know, I have been very sick of late. Now I do not intend to write nonsense simply in that regard, but I am going to include this for a few very important reasons.

1. Because of this, my life has drastically altered. Not just physically, but all I know is being turned upside down, and shaken apart - and I am beginning to have to form new perspectives and, although I am often unwilling, God is slowly working away at my ideals and motives. So, why is this so important? Because basically, because of circumstances I cannot change, physically, and much further, I cannot alter time nor change what has happened. I do not intend to turn this into a whining session but the truth is, this is reality for me right now, and regardless of the varied opinions of others (none of which I disregard of course) this is the now. Bear with me while I try to explain some of my new struggle - and in a way that might help some understand what and how. (Nevermind the why, I do not even have priviledge of knowing that, thanks God.)

2. God is obviously up to something in my life right now. It's pretty messy, and as I mentioned all my own thoughts are beginning to alter and I am having my thinking changed big time. Why, I don't know. God must have decided it was time for a character purification. They say that 'the fire does not destroy, it only refines.' I am beginning to learn just how painful that is.

3. We are all, in some ways or other, wrong. No bashing intended, but it is time for me to see my own heart attitude and its apparent need for change. It is amazing how much of what we believe should be what we base our lives on. I will elaborate on that later, to some degree. God is certainly changing my perspective here on things I didn't even know were important or wrong - simple things like what I value, appreciate and enjoy - and most importantly, why. Prepare to have your motives changed (as I am having mine) during the next few times I write about these many revelations.

4. This is going to be difficult. My life has hardly just started and I am not going to write years of history - but I do feel that this is a turning point in my life and this 'journey' or 'struggle', so to speak of mine should be recorded, in sorts. I really do feel that perhaps some of my writings will, in time, be beneficial to someone, even if they are just browsing google for articles. My friends or complete strangers, I hope, pray and believe this is something God is going to help me do.

5. I am taking experience and learning from the problem, but not dwelling on it. I will use a mountain, or a valley as an example. It is so hard to see the end of the road from where you are, be that the beginning , middle, or even close to the end. Let's say this will be my journey following that barely visible glimmer of hope.

6.  There has to be an outcome from this. God does not allow suffering for no reason and despite everything, I want to believe (and will, I hope in time) that there is some huge, great purpose that I am, of course, not seeing in this small picture. The big picture. Iam reminded now of a verse which God actually showed me this morning. 

"I cry out to God most high, to God, who fulfils his purpose for me." ( ~ Psalm 57:2)

So I must believe that this means he has got a purpose and that it is there working away somewhere, regardless of if I can see itor reason with it.

7. I am not simply being a drama queen! This is real, and hard, and while my troubles are not any more terrible than anyone elses' , they are still going to be a part of who I am, who I have been, who I am becoming and my future as a Christian, person, etc. My only hope is that my sharing is uplifting and something good comes from it.

Yep, I think that may have actually finally ended. There is so much more I could and, am sure, will eventually say, but as a little introduction I hope and pray it is sufficient. For those of you who do make the effort to read through my revelations and thoughts, thank you. It is something I am not doing lightly and is all new to this character building business that God is up to. Much appreciated.

~Anna

2013 Blogging must begin!

 So, it has indeed been a very long time since I blogged, which really is quite inexcusable, I am sure, but I have finally decided to get back into my dear old friend here and provide entertainment for myself as much as anything. I have decided to blog far more regularly (hopefully) from now on, so I will just begin from now (why bother with a 6 month history of blog missed anyway) and see where it ends up and what interesting things are discussed!
My friends, hopefully, if you even read this (haha) itwill be interesting, differing, inspiringand sort of an insight to my current life. Ahah, lets begin.

Photography 2012