The Stages of Letting Go - Denial

The Process of letting go - because it is just that - a process.

Sometimes letting go can appear a simple thing - sometimes it is. Sometimes letting go can be instant, a moment of no return.
It is that, too.

But I am finding the process of letting go can be likened to the process of grieving.

It has stages. 

These stages may all occur at once, or slowly, and,like the stages of grief, follow their course - although,not always in a particular order.

Despite the natural course of grief which ends in resolution, someones a stage can repeat, and that person may not get beyond that stage.

This is seen a lot and can be identified with an unwillingness to even remember or move on. Moving on, also called resolution in the stages of grief, is part of the grieving process and this is where healthy grief heads - the ability to grieve the loss but also remember the good times.

In the same way, we can be when we do not let go.

While we may not be grieving a person, I think there are similar stages which inhibit and affect how wedeal with things, and our ability to let go.

I think denial is huge. Denial can be seen in many forms:

Denial of anything to let go of, of the pain of the past, of feelings, emotions, thoughts - even if we thought we shouldn't have had them. We still cannot deny what is true.

Denial is the first stage of grief. While I am not suggesting letting go of things is or isn't a grieving process (it may well be) I am comparing similarities.

In the same way people clarify and ask for a second opinion when they hear of a loved one's death, in life we also discredit problems and pain which bubbles away under the surface.

We may consider the problem insignificant, or, be very aware of its existence, and know dredging it up will be painful beyond belief - so for own own sakes, we keep it hidden. I, too, am guilty of that.

The trouble here is that while denial eases the present pain, it only bandaids a seeping wound which grows deeper and more painful, as it hides, unexposed to light.

What I mean here is that in order to let go of something, we have to recognise that there is something to let go of.
To forgive, you have to see the unforgiveness, to heal a wound you have to know it is there.

To start healing and cleaning. 

To heal a wound you must know it is there.

Often  the pain warns us, but we can numb the pain with denial like an aspirin.

But aspirin doesn't heal the wound, or open it up, or clean it out. Rather, it helps us to forget. Sometimes only momentarily, but yes,we have forgotten! Until it wears off and we are back to where the pain started. In the same way, denial lies, alters the truth and minimises what is really wrong. 

A huge step to healing is accepting and recognising the wound. Then comes the difficult part - omce the aspirin has worn off, and the pain has become unbearable, the wound must be treated, cleaned out, and left to heal.

but sometimes the pain is too great - and we fear - or the fear is to great, and we refuse to allow the healing process to begin. We are terrified of what we might find underneath our bandaid, so we keep swigging asprin in the hopes it will go away by itself. Don't get me wrong here, but, like too much aspirin, denial eventually becomes dangerous, and causes us serious (and less-deniable) problems.

The wound finally reaches the point where it is painful beyond the work of aspirin, and beginning to debilitate, immobilse, and seep. Now everyone knows it is there.

What's worse, you now have no choice but to open it up and let it be treated - or else.

Unfortunately for us, our denial keeps these wounds hidden, leaving them to rot and get deeper.

God has always wanted to help us heal them. 

Denial hasn't. Denial has prevented the healing while it was still a small cut, surface level and easily cleaned. Denial and fear have let it rot, have let it become deadly. Because denial is deadly. Hiding, lying, denying the truth - will eventually catch up. Like invisible bacteria infecting a wound, denial works deeper than we know. 

The good news is that the master physician is the healer, and He does heal. No stage of sickness, no intense pain, and no problem is too big for Him. 

But like an unwilling hospital patient, he cannot help or heal us if we will not admit that we need healing.

If we think we can fix it ourselves.
If its not as bad as that.
If its not there at all.
Denial is dangerous.

Truth is life.
Truth is painful.
Truth is opening up the wound, dressing it, prodding it, cleaning it.
Making it bleed.
Truth and them love.

Love is the cleansing, as care is given. 

Then comes the healing.

But healing cannot be given to a hardened heart.

I think you know what I mean.

Don't let denial keep you in pain.

No pain is too great, no wound too deep.

He will heal you.

Let Him.